So one time when I was asleep on a certain couch I woke up to a guy in a hazmat suit coming at me. I knew it wasn’t real. It could not be real. Why would that guy 1. be in this shitty apt? 2. want me? and 3. stare at me so long that I was able to do what happened next?
So, it’s when things like this happen to me I wonder if I will one succumb to dementia.
Anyways… I digress. I get up and realize that I need to run for my life. Whatever this guy (or woman) wants from me they are going to have to work really hard to get it. I’ve never really been one for going down easy. First, I run into the coffee table. I go down. I get up. I trip over an extension cord (I swear this isn’t my house). I get up. I get to the room where the person is sleeping that is going to save me. Oh yeah, I am screaming “help me” this whole time. I get in the room I turn on the light and I say “oh my god they are going to…” This is the point where I realized that ‘whoever’ was there to get me, the house or even the neighborhood was no longer there. They were most likely never there. If they were actually there then 1. their legs didn’t work or 2. they had pity on how difficult it was for me to make it 15 feet. I smoked two cigarettes. Had one glass of wine and stared at the door for 3 hours.
The next day I called my friend who I consider my dream master. She was gone. Out of town for a whole month… and pregnant. I didn’t call to talk to her about anything important, just that a ghost came after me and when was she going to be back to clean this up.
I dedicate this to beth pope.
be as young and as awesome as you can be… while you still can
So would you guys be into shirts that say “I’m bad. You were warned.” ?
my present to you today…